Have you ever caught yourself numbing grief with alcohol and wondered if maybe you’re just making everything worse? That’s where Valerie found herself after losing her dad. She started drinking at 12 to deal with anxiety and fit in, and decades later, watched her father struggle with the same thing. When he passed away from alcohol-related issues last year, she fell right into the trap—drinking heavily to numb the grief. That spiral quickened. What followed is a story of science-backed clarity, deep compassion, and a joyful return to living without shame—or regrets.
It Started Way Too Young
I was only 12 when I started drinking. I know, that’s really young. But I was anxious all the time and desperate to fit in with the kids I was hanging out with. Alcohol seemed like the answer to both problems.
Looking back, I put myself in some really dangerous situations. Traumatic stuff happened while I was drunk—stuff I’m still working through. But my family didn’t seem too concerned about my drinking. I rarely got in trouble for it, so I just kept thinking this was normal. My reasoning was, doesn’t everyone do this?
Watching My Dad Struggle Changed Things
For the longest time, I really did think drinking was just what people did. It seemed normal, part of life. But then my dad started struggling. Like, really struggling—with alcohol and severe depression. That’s when I first thought, “Okay, maybe this isn’t as normal as I thought.”
Watching him was brutal. This person I loved was disappearing, and I felt totally helpless. The crazy part? I was doing the exact same thing he was, using alcohol to cope with my own stuff. I just couldn’t see it yet.
When I Realized I Couldn’t Stop
Here’s the truth: alcohol was always a problem for me. But I didn’t really get that until a few years ago when I realized I couldn’t just leave it alone anymore. I needed it to get through the day. It wasn’t fun anymore—it was necessary.
Then my dad died last year. The cause? Alcohol. And what did I do? I fell into the heaviest drinking period of my life. I was numbing grief with alcohol, trying to make the pain go away. Every drink was me trying not to feel the fact that he was gone and that alcohol had taken him. But instead of helping, I was drowning myself in the same thing that killed him.
All Those Rules I Made
Before I found my way out, I tried so hard to control it. I had all these rules: only two drinks, only three days a week, only when I’m happy (not when I’m sad), only when I’m out (not at home). The list went on and on.
Each new rule felt like hope, you know? Like THIS time would be different. But they never lasted. I’d be good for a while, then something stressful would happen and I’d break my own rules. And every time I did, I felt more broken, more like something was fundamentally wrong with me.
How I Found This Naked Mind
Honestly, I think it was divine intervention. I don’t even remember searching for it—it just showed up in my life right when I needed it most. Sometimes that’s how it works, right?
Finding Annie’s work changed everything for me. I really had to wrap my head around the science of how alcohol actually works in your brain. That understanding helped me see my dad’s struggle differently and gave me permission to have some grace with myself for the first time ever.
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The Science Made It Click
Learning the actual facts about what alcohol does to your brain was huge. I needed to understand that this wasn’t some character flaw being passed down through my family. There was actually another way to deal with stress and process trauma that didn’t involve drinking.
This knowledge took away so much shame. My dad wasn’t weak. He wasn’t choosing alcohol over us. And I wasn’t broken either. We were both caught in something that has nothing to do with willpower or being a good person. Understanding that changed everything—not just how I saw myself, but how I saw him too.
What Life Looks Like Now
I’ve been alcohol-free for 10 months, and honestly? I can’t get enough of waking up without a hangover or that horrible feeling of regret. Those mornings alone make everything worth it. Clear head, actual energy, no shame eating away at me—it’s amazing.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still working through all the reasons I drank in the first place. There’s a lot of work left to do. But I’m so hopeful now. I’ve found these little pockets of joy that I’d completely forgotten about—a pretty sunrise, laughing with a friend, just being fully present. And I really believe those pockets are going to keep growing.
No More Shame
The biggest gift of being sober? The freedom from shame. For so many years, I carried around all this weight from bad decisions, dangerous situations, and the fear that I was destined to repeat what happened in my family. Now I’m actually breaking that pattern.
I’m learning how to feel my feelings without alcohol. How to sit with uncomfortable stuff. How to cope with stress and grief in healthy ways. It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. Every hard day I get through sober proves I’m so much stronger than I thought.
What I’d Tell My Younger Self
If I could go back and talk to the version of me who was struggling, I’d say: It’s not your fault. You are not broken. You are worth fighting for.
Those words keep me going when things get tough. Numbing grief with alcohol wasn’t honoring my dad’s memory—living this full, real, alcohol-free life is. Breaking the cycle that hurt my family is the best way I can honor him.
If you’re reading this and seeing yourself in my story, please know things can change. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be willing to try something different. The life waiting for you without alcohol is more beautiful than you can imagine right now. Those pockets of joy I mentioned? They keep getting bigger. And waking up without regret? It’s worth everything.
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